Coddled Kids Crumble

Coddled Kids Crumble

I thought this was a good article to pass along as coddling is an epidemic in America today. From not keeping score in youth sports leagues and everybody getting a trophy to parents going off on teachers and leaders who don’t coddle their kids as they do.
This is from http://www.lifezette.com

 

Begin article: The results of over a decade of nonstop hand-holding and helicopter parenting are boomeranging back to parents and educators.

Many college students are showing an alarming lack of even basic internal coping skills. As a result, today’s colleges and universities are becoming equal parts psychologists, in absentia parents, and even academic scapegoats (when students don’t get the grades they thought they would).

Related: How to Thrive in College [1]

“The idea of fragility is now an overarching theme in kids,” said Lenore Skenazy, founder of FreeRangeKids.com. “This comes from a society that makes adults fear everything, and constantly tells them they are not doing enough and not worrying about enough, so they parent their kids accordingly.”

In the continuing infantilizing of America’s young people, colleges report having to warn kids when they are going to talk about something that might be mentally troubling in class, with a so-called “trigger warning.” That way, in theory, a past victim of abuse or violence would be warned when graphic or violent material might be coming their way.

At the University of California, Santa Barbara, the student government recently passed a resolution that makes these “trigger warnings” mandatory. The warnings include cautions professors must add to their course syllabi, specifying which lectures will include films, readings or discussions that might prompt feelings of emotional or physical distress.

Oberlin College in Ohio even takes it a step farther, issuing official trigger-warning guidelines for professors that sound almost like “a parody of political correctness,” the Los Angeles Times said.

“Triggers are not only relevant to sexual misconduct but also to anything that might cause trauma,” these guidelines read in part.

This isn’t that surprising, considering what is regularly happening: Students are swarming their campus counseling offices for once-trivial life occurrences, such as being made to feel bad by another student. In one “funny-if-it-weren’t-so-sad” case, two students saw a mouse, dialed 911, and then sought counseling for the resulting trauma — an apparent case of rodent PTSD.

What is happening to the youth of America? Why are they turning to Jell-O when faced with the slightest bump in the road?

In the stampede to campus counseling offices, student also complain of anxiety over multiple issues.

“The mental health common cold for this generation of students is anxiety disorder, whereas for previous generations it was depression,” Kip Alishio, director of student counseling at Miami University, told USA Today.

What is happening to the youth of America? Why are they turning to Jell-O when faced with the slightest bump in the road?

“Students haven’t developed the skills to soothe themselves, because their parents have solved all their problems and removed obstacles. They don’t seem to have as much grit as previous generations,” Dan Jones, a past president for the Association for University and College Counseling Center Directors, wrote in The Chronicle of Higher Education.

“The mental health common cold for this generation of students is anxiety disorder, whereas for previous generations it was depression.”

Another troubling emergence in the psychology of today’s young adults is their fear of learning the lessons that failure offers. Failure, for young America and their parents, is the new taboo.

“I see an unwillingness in myself to let my sons fail, and I have to fight it,” one Boston dad told LifeZette. “You are swimming against the tide; everyone is smoothing the way for their kids. We’ve forgotten that failure is a spectacular teacher.”

Another mom from New York weighed in: “I don’t show confidence in my daughter’s capabilities when I constantly check in. I feel bad; her first year of independence at college was a bumpy one, and I was partly to blame. As a single parent, I was too involved in her every move.”

Failure is, for young America and their parents, the new taboo.

These major mental meltdowns impact college teachers, too. In a Psychology Today blog post entitled “Declining Student Resilience,” Boston College professor and author Peter Gray wrote, “Faculty at the meetings (of counselors) noted that students’ emotional fragility has become a serious problem when it comes to grading. Some said they had grown afraid to give low grades for poor performance, because of the subsequent emotional crises they would have to deal with in their offices.”

Chinua Achebe’s celebrated novel “Things Fall Apart” is listed by Oberlin College in Ohio as a possible “trigger” book because of its themes of colonialism, racism, and religious prejudice, the Los Angeles Times reported. At Rutgers, an op-ed in the student paper suggested that the study of “The Great Gatsby” should require trigger warnings about violence and gore, Gray’s blog post noted.

A world without F. Scott Fitzgerald because students can’t handle imagery created in the 1920s? The revolving rotors of helicopter parenting are now scattering the benefits of great literary works like fallen autumn leaves.

Some (professors) said they had grown afraid to give low grades for poor performance, because of the emotional crises they would have to handle.

A report drafted by a subcommittee of the American Association of University Professors and posted on its website begins, “A current threat to academic freedom in the classroom comes from a demand that teachers provide warnings in advance if assigned material contains anything that might trigger difficult emotional responses for students. This follows from earlier calls not to offend students’ sensibilities by introducing material that challenges their values and beliefs.”

It’s time that parents, after the proper guidance when their kids are young, allow their kids to use their burgeoning capabilities in age-appropriate ways.

“We need to let go of constant hovering, and allow kids have independent experiences,” Skenazy said. “We need to resist the urge for omniscience in our children’s lives.”

Chargers

Vision Otay Ranch

The decision was made by the NFL owners to approve the Chargers move to… Inglewood. It was a NO vote on the move to Carson. The Inglewood vote is an opportunity for the Bolts to be in partnership with the Rams. The stadium there will be amazing..no doubt… Inglewood is a blighted area that is in much need of renovation and repurposing. The Rams deal makes it possible. Good for the Rams!

For the Chargers on the other hand, in my opinion, this is a VERY bad deal for them. Why would any team want to move in with another NFL team in partnership and play second fiddle. In NY you have the Jets and Giants sharing a stadium, that is NY and those two franchises have been in the same city for years and years building fan base and building rivalry.

Make no mistake, if the Chargers move, they will play second fiddle to the Rams. The Bolts have yet to substantiate their claim that 30% of their fan base comes from LA. That comment does not make sense. If that were true, then why leave 70% for 30%? They probably believe they will add more loyal fans in LA and may even believe a large percentage of San Diegans will follow the team to LA. They clearly do not know San Diego Charger fans. We hate LA sports teams…except maybe the Angels who seem like second cousins…If the Chargers were the only team coming to LA, maybe they could grow their brand. However, the Rams spent 49 years in LA. The Chargers spent 1, their original year as an AFL football team. Building their brand in LA will not be easy.

If the Chargers move to Inglewood, they will be playing second fiddle as a franchise to the Rams. They will be second as owners to Billionaire Stan Kronke and second to a rabid Rams fanbase. The Chargers would become LA’s Triple A football franchise. A minor league team in a major league city. Would they make more money in LA than in SD? Maybe, even probably. And, I understand it is a business. But, that business has greater long term viability in SD than in LA, just ask the 1994 Raiders and Rams.

On the other hand, the decision by the NFL owners comes with a great option for Dean Spanos, the Chargers owner. Stay in San Diego, deal in good faith with the local officials, and get a stadium deal done. As a matter of fact, NFL owners have said they will give the Chargers 100 million to STAY in San Diego and help get a stadium deal done! The NFL owners have previously stated that they really like the San Diego market. This is putting their money where their mouth is. This buys the Chargers and the City time to work out a deal, not much time, but time to get it done. The Chargers have until March to decide if they will play in a temporary stadium situation in LA or stay in SD in 2016.

If the Chargers stay in SD, they will play second fiddle to no one. They are San Diego’s team. They are #1 in this town. They may not be able to get a downtown stadium done, which is the desire of the Chargers ownership, but, come on man, Mission Valley is better than Inglewood all day every day. A new stadium in Mission Valley trumps a new stadium in Inglewood EVERY TIME.

So, I’m actually relatively optimistic about the Chargers possibility of staying in SD. Dean Spanos has not done himself any favors in how he has treated the process in Mission Valley, but at the end of the day, if it means keeping our team in SD, the local officials and the Chargers must be willing to play ball.

 

A year later…

It’s been over a year since we started the process for The Impact campaign, “Building a Place for Imperfect People” and it has been going fast and strong. The overview:

  1. Sept 2014: We announced plans to raise money to find a place to call our church home.
  2. Feb 2015: We received 1.4 million in commitments.
  3. June 2015: We found a church home.
  4. June 2015-Current: We began remodeling.
  • Architecture and new look to the outside of the buildings in planning stages
  • Outdoor children’s and athletic zone currently in planning stages
  • Auditorium in process of remodeling. Including new chairs, technology, sound booth, lobby, cry room, video room, security room and much more.
  • New landscaping
  • Fellowship Hall turned into Cafe Venue
  • Offices completed remodeled.
  • Children’s classrooms completely remodeled.

 

We have seen amazing changes in one year since I last posted. I am so thankful for the people of Seven Church and the community of Lakeside. Thankful for your patience, perseverance, hope and excitement as we turn our campus into a  Perfect Place for Imperfect People.

Below are some pictures of the progress. And there is much much more to come!!!

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Why I Started Recycling

Our IMPACT Campaign, “Building a Place for Imperfect People” is off and running and it is changing the way we look at things.

I was reading through Acts 4:32-37 where Barnabas sold a field and brought the money to the disciples. I don’t have a field I can sell but I have continued to consider what God would have us do as a family in terms of sacrificial giving and how it will change our lifestyle.

Something our consultant Bob said recently stuck with me when he talked about our giving testimonies. He mentioned we need to share how we are sacrificing for the Lord to get our church home. Not just that we are going to give and that we are tithing, etc… It was such a good reminder because this campaign isn’t just about giving. But, this whole idea of stewardship and sacrificial giving means our lifestyle will change. It means we will live differently because of what God is calling us to do for Him, for our community, for our Oikos and for those who aren’t here yet.

So, my wife and I have scrutinized our spending, found areas where we can cut and found areas where we can save. AND, found an area where we can put even more toward the IMPACT campaign…. so, yes… I’m recycling… Ok, now, first of all, I’ve always recycled… well, I mean I’ve always put the recyclables in the blue recycle bin the trash company gives me. But, I’ve always hated the thought of taking the smelly, sticky, and ant and fly infested cans and bottles to the smelly, sticky, ant and fly infested recylcle company to get my CA CRV back! But, for IMPACT I will get smelly sticky and ant and fly infested to get more cash to put toward our goal of seeing our church have a home!

It’s just another way our lifestyle has changed as God continues to show us the really important things in life are not things. What we are attempting is historic and will have an IMPACT for generations to come.

Join our journey at http://www.7sd.org and click on IMPACT to see a glimpse at what our future home may look like.

P.S. attached is an actual picture of my most recent trip to the recycler which netted me $15.78. However, including my last trip of $38.18 that’s an additional $53.96 of real money toward IMPACT! —can’t you just smell the awesomeness!

recyle.jpgrecyle

Your Wedding Is Still Something Worth Wanting

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I do a lot of weddings. I am really thankful to be a part of someone’s BIG DAY! I love being around joy and weddings are always full of joy. Weddings are a BIG DEAL, and they are a BIG DEAL to God. I found this article by Marshal Segal to be a good one on why your wedding is still something worth wanting. The target audience is those who are single but anyone can get something out of the article.

http://www.desiringgod.org/blog/posts/your-wedding-is-still-something-worth-wanting

Hell on Earth- Pastors Burning Up and Flaming out

I’m currently attending the final residency phase of my Doctor of Ministry program and I’m working on my final Doctoral Project. I’ve been digging in to research on pastoral burnout and how it effects churches all across the nation. With 80-85% of churches declining or dying across America and with pastors leaving the ministry every day– there is a clear correlation between pastoral burnout and church decline . I’ve been shocked to read the latest research and find that last year over 1,700 pastors quit or were forced to leave the ministry every month…I’m gonna say that again…every month. That number is rising…

My project is focusing on the causes and correlations between burnout and decline in churches and the correlation between healthy pastors and healthy growing and multiplying churches. If we lose our leaders the research is showing we lose our churches. Since we trust Jesus’ words that his “yoke is easy and his burden light”
— what is causing such burnout among church leaders? So far, the research is that crushing expectations, no time off, always in “crisis mode”, wanting to please people and wanting to always be “On” and the pressure of putting together a good message for Sunday are all factors in burnout, moral failure and quitting amongst pastors in America. My goal is to help pastors and churches and find preventative methods and cures.

Here’s where you can help. If you know of a burned out pastor- either currently out of full time ministry or formerly burned out but back at it- please let me know by emailing me jeremy@7sd.org. I would like to interview pastors and leaders and draw some conclusions and provide some solutions.

Gracias and peace,

Starting a church is hard…but sometimes…

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IT’S JUST FREAKIN’ AWESOME!!!

I am SO PROUD of our team at 7SD. We started this church and there have been ups and there have been downs, many downs… but today was just such a special day. We were asked to give the chapel service at San Diego Christian College in Santee, Ca. http://www.sdcc.edu. Trevor Davis led our music for the college students as he does so masterfully on Sundays at 7SD, Brown Sugah did our Music Directing as he does every Sunday…also Masterfully! and he ripped it on Lead Guitar, Jacob Cruz on drums, Ben Barnes on Bass, RJ Emerick on guitar…THE MUSIC WAS SO AWESOME I ABOUT JUMPED OUT OF MY SKIN. I couldn’t be more proud of our team. Marnie Stitzer, Ashley Inverso, Todd Jones, Bryan Kida, Lee Sherman made sure the set up was right, the sound was right, the video was right and on and on…. This team came together and put a service together at SDC that absolutely ROCKED! We were able to give the students a chapel service that most accurately reflected a Sunday service at 7SD. WAY TO GO TEAM! you guys are AMAZING!!! #ILOVEMYCHURCH! and I’m so thankful to be part of such a dynamic team of LEADERS!!! — SERVANT LEADERS!!!